So here I am I guess. What a long, exhausting day. I almost missing my flight from Miami to Mérida. Trauma. Then, when I got off the plane, enveloped by a suffocating heat and bearing stabbing pains in my ovaries, I came to find my checked baggage mysteriously missing. I hooked up with this girl from RI named Lindsay who is on my trip with me and we tried to fathom our way across the Spanish language. I'm not surprised. We had to run to get to our plane within 25 minutes or so, so the absence of our stuff didn't even faze me.
We went out and I met my mom. I'm still not sure of her name, because "Cetina Alonso" maybe a family name?? She is exactly how I pictured her to be. She's talkative and nice and lovely. Thank God she was there because Lindsay's family wasn't even there to pick her up. And our baggage was confused, and she was able to straighten it out. (Hopefully, I'll get it by tomorrow morning.) But all of a sudden, with Lindsay talking to my mom, understanding and talking back, I begin to feel panicky. It's the way I feel when I hear my peers speaking Spanish with seemingly ease. I freeze up and get nervous and self-conscious.
Then, when we got home, this girl (I forgot her name already) who had lived here last year was visiting. She was talking with my mom at lightning speed, and after a time they simply forgot I was there. I wasn't able to keep up, and I couldn't contribute if I did, so there was no point to my presence. I began to fall asleep because I was exhausted. I tried to make a joke at one time in Spanish but it utterly failed. Not understood at all, and I brought attention to it by saying in English "That was a joke", at which the girl gave me a short pity laugh. Oh the shame!!! >_<
I can't let this inferiority complex happen very often, because it will destroy my time here. Speaking and understanding Spanish is just as hard as I thought it would be. I was and I still am afraid. Necessity makes me speak it, but I'm still unsure and doubtful. The truth that I am not practiced in the language should not be an excuse. I'm fine when without others around. I mean, I try more often and I get my point across, at the very least. But when there's another American around, I shut up so quickly. In all other aspects of my life, I'm the one who's stealing the spotlight. But here! Aauughh I need to think positively: "poco a poco", it will come...
In other news, my room is absolutely fabulous. I basically have my own living space, my own apartment. I have a spacious, clean room and a bathroom that has it's own door and key. It's not even connected to the house. Amazing!! Now I'll have all the privacy I want. I just hope I don't take the easy way and take a lot.
This is what my room looks like. There's crap everywhere already:
Tomorrow is the first day of orientation. I hope there are some people who will like me. I'm not exactly versatile. So I wonder at tomorrow. I wonder at the rest of this trip. I wonder when I'll start feeling comfortable. I wonder if I could be as good a Spanish speaker as that girl. I wonder if I'll sleep like a baby tonight.
Goodnight from Mexico,
-Ashley
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