First Pangs of Hunger for Home

January 26, 2009 11:17 am

I really want pizza badly. And a nice UConn breakfast with French toast sticks and salty salty potato anything. I want a Whittles lunch, that cheese and onion sandwich with clam chowder and curly fries. Yummm. Meatloaf melt was my fave. The bbq sauce worked so well with the meatiness and cheesiness. I want a nice cup of café with the hazelnut flavor shit. Coffee here sucks. I want stuffing...anything salty. Even the shitty grit at the bottom of the hot cocoa from the machine. I want a Southwest wrap. The heavy ranch (or whatever) dressing and the crispy tortillas. French onion soup from Chaugie's. Chicken pot pie. Anything salty, fried, oh my...

I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that I made for myself this morning because the hot dogs in a can I was supposed to have had lard that my madre didn't see, an apple, and crackers for lunch. And water to drink.

>_<

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12:22 pm

I am online looking up foods that You're having today. At my beloved Whittles (how I miss thee), Chipotle Turkey Burgers, Macaroni and Cheese (ahh), Minestrone Soup, French Fries. At South, Biscuits! and pasta in a Creamy Garlic Sauce. Buckley will have Syrian Falafel tonight, and Beer Battered Fish Wedges (oh the fried fat!). McMahon, where Renee and I ate so many times when we were at the same life stage, has Focaccia Bruschetta and Garlic Bread Sticks! Woe is meee!!!

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11:47 pm

I was frustrated today. Obviously. I was hungry, damnit. Having someone else from a different culture provide meals for you can go either way. You can have slammin' chicken tacos for lunch...or a salad.

Today, I was going to have turkey Vienna sausages. I've never seen hot dogs in a can, but apparently that's what they're called. Being a Muslim in a pig-eating country, I've been paranoid since I was born about eating pork products. I read nutrition labels out of habit these days, I'm so used to checking them. And it took me only a second to find the "grasa de cerdo" (lard) on the can's label. It's not that my mom is trying to sabotage me. She's very sweet and accomodating. She's understanding and not judgemental at all. One of the first things she said to me after she found out I'm Muslim was that we are all essentially practicing the same thing and that we all are worshipping God in our own ways. I was so relieved and comforted, I nearly cried.

But naturally, she doesn't have 19 years of paranoia and experience built in. I know the taste of bacon and ham because I've accidentally eaten it so many times. I know that Jiffy makes hot cakes and cornbread muffins with lard in them. I know that even though it may say "turkey sausage", it may still be encased in something from a pig. I know that "turkey hot dogs" may actually mean "turkey and pork hot dogs". Because I've learned over the years. It's not my madre's fault she doesn't have to distinguish.

But this is the third time. The first time, she gave me a croissant that she just thought was a normal croissant that had cheese and ham inside. I gave it to someone else and bought chips at school. The second time, she told me this sandwich thing she had bought had chicken and cheese inside, but it also had bacon. Another friend was lucky while I basically ate leaves without dressing.

So now, she leaves me to fend for myself. Maybe there's a limit to her patience with me. Maybe she'll decide it's not worth it anymore and will just buy me a mountain of peanut butter so I can eat it for lunch every day.

I don't mind taking one for the team, mind you. There is not a question in my mind. I just sometimes get frustrated by all this. Especially here. Where they have no idea. But I guess this is what jihad really means...

-Ashley Aisyah