Postpwned

Mon. April 27, 2009 10:22 pm

Sooo...something unexpected happened today. There is currently a "Swine Flu" going around Central Mexico. A whole bunch of people caught it and a few died I think. So Mexico and everywhere else are all like "HOLY SHIT WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS!!!" and now I don't have class until May 6th. Huzzah.

Except I don't know what I'm doing about my classes. Minor ruffle. When I get back, I'll have to do an exam, turn in two papers, and do an "anthology" (see the previous post).

Also, my highly dependable, wireless, top-speed internet decided last week that it wasn't going to work anymore. So those movies I wanted to watch online over the past few months? That Wizard Rock band I'd heard about but hadn't gotten a chance to listen to? Those people I wanted to talk to for so figgin long? Those Neopoints I wanted to earn (don't judge me)? Yep. Postpwned.

So what can I do? Lots of stuff still. There's the TV inside the house. There's the cute boy I've been seeing. There's American friends I haven't really hung out with in a while. There's cleaning my room... There's studying of course. And there's guitar and Uko Ono.

Which by the way, reminds me of cool news. When Mum and Dad were here last week, we went to a place called Cafe Chocolate which I had been to with Renee and Kolin. (Delicious pasta and sandwiches--at long last!!) It was a Thursday and there were these three guys playing music (badly) in the open-air back room. I asked an important-looking guy how they got to play here, and he told me there's an open mic every Thursday. Sparks pop in my brain. If these guys, who weren't that impressive, could get up there and play for as long as they wanted because there was no one else, so could I!!

Yes!! I'll see you at Cafe Chocolate from 8-9pm this Thursday baby.

Let's just hope I don't get the Swine.

Swine-dios!
-Swineshly Swinemel

Literatura de Yucatán

Instead of actually doing my Yucatan Lit homework today, I complained about it. This week was the first week back since vacation, and my hatred of the class and the library were renewed. The following are three samples of emotions I went through this week with this class, the first being anger, second being clarity, and third being acceptance. And I guess those aren't really emotions.

(Wed. April 22, 2009 11 am?)

Every fucking time I come 2 this FUCKING library I want to FUCKING KILL SOMEONE. How many restrictions are they going 2 put on my FUCKING reading of BOOKS?!!? I can't learn in this kind of vigilant environment. I can't find ANYTHING I need and none of it is even mentioned on the internet. How and I supposed 2 find this shit?! "By asking your compan fucking ñeros 2 give them 2 you" she says. FUCK YOU I HAVE NO FUCKING companfuckingñeros. I can't speak Spanish and I fucking don't know anyone in my fucking class bc NO ONE talks 2 me. And now I can't take these goddamn books not only out of the library but not out of the fucking area in front of the desk??? What makes them so goddamn special?! Every time I fucking come in here I either want 2 kill someone or cry. I think I'll do both today.

I HATE
THIS BIBLIO
FUCKING
TECA!!!

This morning, in an attempt to stay awake in Migrations this morning, I wrote in a delicate cursive a passage I titled "Más tranquil"

24.4.09 9:45 am

My yucatan lit class is the worst. It's so poorly organized and run. Of course, it didn't help that [I] couldn't force myself 2 attend some mornings, but that's not my fault, right? If it was interesting, I would go!

Part of the problem is that it's about a small, inaccessible, hard-to-find body of works. The library system exacerbates my hatred of the class and subject. It is so difficult 2 find this shit! And when you do, you can't take it out of the lib. Completely destroys the concept of library, if you ask me.

I have 2 collect, read, analyze, and write about a Yuc. author and form an "anthology". The problem is, every time I ask wtf an "antología" is, I just get more confused. Essay? Presentation? I think I'll just have to see what everyone else does first.

This has been a more calm, less murderous Ashley Hamel explaining the causes of her frustration. Thank you.

Then I had to do a course evaluation for the exchange program. It was good that I had practiced complaining, because it was good practice for saying what I needed to say:

(24.4.09 10:30-11:30 am)


Course title: __Literatura de Yucatán___

Were you adaquately prepared language wise to follow the content of this course?
1 2 3 4 5
Did you find the subject matter interesting?
1 2 3 4 5
Did the professor deliver the material clearly?
1 2 3 4 5
Did you come to class well prepared?
1 2 3 4 5

What did you enjoy most of this class?

Learned about Yucatan history through literature.

What did you enjoy least of this class.

I could write a book. But I will write on the back for now.
---->

(other side)

1. The main problem is the difficulty in finding the readings. Some/most are not at this library. Some are not in ANY library. The ones that are here are in the Yucatan Section, which means you can't get them yourself, you can only get 3 at a time, and you can't take them out of the library. Now, due to some kind of vandalism, they can't leave the immediate area in front of the main desk. Some are too old and can't be photocopied. Somehow, other students obtain them and you can borrow them, but I was shy talking w/them and I am the only xchange in the class. Attendance 2 class is sporadic, so tracking down people who actually have the copies is like hunting yeti. If they exist, I have never seen them.

2. We have to contribute online in forums and answer questions about the not-read, not-found readings for a participation grade.

3. Classes are randomly structured and w/out a focused theme for the class. It is because once we even discussed and agreed that there is no such thing as "Yucatecan Literature."

4. Due to sporadic attendance, tracking down my 2 partners for a group presentation nearly killed me. One I didn't know and the other stopped going to class. Both were unreachable by email until the night before our exposition. He had "forgotten".

5. I did not realize reading literature and poetry, which is more eloquent and symbolic at times, was more difficult. I believe I was ill-prepared for this class.

Comments or recommendations:
This will probably be funny in a few years.


Sadly, there is no happy ending to this story. The tears will come and the curses in two languages will explode from my mouth. The anthology project is fast approaching, and today I need to write 4 participation things on the online Yahoo forum about authors I don't remember and works I've never read or even seen. I plan on reading everyone else's and copying pieces to form jigsaw-like answers. Only like 5 people out of 15? 20? have written on the forum anyway so FTS.

So off I go now, ready to relax a bit this weekend and forget some hate, and then fire up again with the coming of Monday, where my first class of the week shall be...guess what.

Cheers,
Ashley Again At Long Last

Finally! Some Developed Thoughts.

Mon. April 13, 2009 1:06 am

These weeks have been so strange. I'm going through mini-phases. I wrote the previous entry on the bus and I was a mixture of deleriously happy and sad (because I would be leaving it). But then I got home and Ezer called me and a storm of complaining and frustration stormed me. I don't know what happened, but I've been very emotional these past few weeks. I cry a lot actually. And seeing this from a distanced point of view, I am amazed at how often I cry here. One would think I'm unhappy...

At times, yes, I am. Huh. What a strange idea. I'm never unhappy. I'm always happy to be where I am, figuratively and literally. But yes, at times I do not want to be here. Let's not mask it and say that it was a bundle of excitement and joy in Mexico. There's a lot on my mind here. More stuff than usual for a semester. Being away from home is a difficult thing. I haven't written in so long, but I guess I've been this way for a while. Even a month. Months go by so quickly. Just four short, stress filled weeks and it's time to erase a tick mark on the time I have left. It scares me every day. That's why I'm so stressed. The looming. Before I was able to hold it back. It's not overwhelming me right now, but once May begins, oh God. I'm crying already. I'm unhappy already in anticipation of unhappiness in the future.

Add to that homework that is impossible. Just impossible. The lack of comprehension and ambition is killing my grades, I think.

Add to that the trips my family and friends are making to visit me. There is no easier way to stress out when they are depending on you for EVERYTHING. Renee and Kolin are fine, as it's the first time and I'm excited to show them my life here. It's entirely weird, but I feel good showing off how much I've learned in four short months. But Renee told me just a few days ago (yesterday?!?) that the Parents have planned a trip to visit me WITHOUT TELLING ME. They always said "Yea we want to come," but never "We are coming on this date to this date." How fucking crazy is that? Because I am the one who has to babysit them, who has to arrange her schedule to accommodate them, who has to cancel her plans for her FUCKING TWENTIETH BIRTHDAY for them!!!! THIS IS REFUCKINGDICULOUS!!!

There is too much on my mind. I don't miss very much in the States except the comfort I feel there (as it's my native country) and the order our shit has. (Ohhh order. How I miss thee.) I don't miss the people very much. I need to put it out of my mind because we're going to Dzibichaltun tomorrow and I need to wake up early. Fuck. Stress.

Oh yea. I didn't tell you that the Padres are coming the day that Renee and Kolin leave. =| Are you fucking with me? This is ridiculous. I have classes then. AND IT'S MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY. RefuckingDICULOUS!

I'm so tired of being angry and depressed and stressed and sad. I do look forward to going home and leaving the lost emotions behind.

It must be the hormones,
Ashley Aisyah Hamel

Reconciling

Sun. April 12, 2009 10:05 pm

I often try to be hypersensitive to my World. I will be leaving my World soon. I need to see and feel all. I want to learn everything.

I can't.

My honeymoon phase is long over. But I still love Mérida. Even more than I love Mérida, I love myself in Mérida. It's hard to say I've changed without seeing, being in my original state.But with Renee and Kolin here, in MY World, it seems unnatural. The Mérida Me is not the CT me. How to reconcile the two when I leave this World?

Apple Nectar: NOT from the Gods

Apple nectar fucking sucks. I have a stomach ache from that shit. Don't do it. Go cider or jugo all the fucking way.